According to that ever-reliable organ of translation, Babelfish, we told Bild: 'With a divorce, William gets the children!'
It all started so innocently. Well, as innocently as can be expected when discussing a pre-nup between the second-in-line to the throne and his intended. James Stewart, the family lawyer from Manches, told Spear's that a royal pre-nup for Prince William and Kate Middleton would be wise:
'Given the divorce history in the royal family they will want to ensure that a pre-nup provides for certainty but also that the pre-nup provides for privacy and breach of confidence. They would want to avoid the fiascos which have occurred in the past with regard to royal divorces.'
So far, so good, m'lud. But in the fever which has clouded the minds of the world's media (although the coverage largely indicates no minds at all), the German tabloid Bild Zeitung – like the Sun, but less responsible – decided that a legal opinion was legal fact. And more, that Spear's (a law firm, they called us) had supplied the details of the royal pre-nup.
According to that ever-reliable organ of translation, Babelfish, we told Bild: 'With a divorce, William gets the children!' Kate had to sign a 'bang-hard marriage contract'. (Sometimes translation is a gift.) Kate won't get the Queen's money on a divorce, and maintenance will decrease if she remarries or behaves 'indiscreetly'. She won't be able to live in a royal residence.
This is all much too grim for a sunny afternoon the day before the royal nuptials. It just goes to prove that in search of a story, every straw must be grasped, then yanked, then pulled violently.