2012 Predictions - Spear's Magazine

2012 Predictions

A Royal princess has a wardrobe malfunction… A dirty bomb is set off in a major city…

Israel and the Palestinians reach an agreement.
 
The hacktivist collective Anonymous brings down Wall Street
 
Mitt Romney blames Barack Obama.
 
A Royal princess has a wardrobe malfunction.
 
A dirty bomb is set off in a major city.
 
Real estate outside the target area zooms.
 
Neil Diamond is honored at the Kennedy Center (No, scrub that. It happened already! Ed).
 
Debbie Cobb of the Suncoast Primate Sanctuary in Florida announced that Cheetah, Tarzan’s recently deceased chimpanzee co-star, “was soothed by listening to Christian music.” (Get a grip on yourself. That was published too. Ed).
 
The Rights-to-Lifers announce plans to criminalise male masturbation. Rick Perry announces his conversion to this position.
 
There’s a cure for cancer!
 
The cure is patented by Big Drugs.
 
There’s a strike against Iran’s nuclear capacity.
 
The strike is blamed on the Zetas.
 
Kim Kardashian announces she is to remarry as soon the auction for telemarketing rights is over.

The Times announces that it will no longer publish on paper.
 
The New York Times announces that it will no longer publish on paper.
 
Donald Trump and Richard Branson announce plans for a golf course in a gravity zone on the moon.
 
Yoohoohoo! It’s that airborne flu! Atishoo! And we all fall down.
 
An electronic bomb disables the Internet. An online poker site is miraculously spared.
 
The NRA campaigns for the right of all US citizens with picture ID to carry tactical nukes.
 
Goldman Sachs shorts the throne.



 

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